is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
