If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize
