Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
