Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
