Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
