I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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