This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
