i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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