remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
