found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
