Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
