I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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