Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
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