I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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