he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
