Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
