So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
