i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
