I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
