One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
