the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
