I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
