Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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