Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
