i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
