the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
