She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
