He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
