I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We left the knife in your bed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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