ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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