conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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