just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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