i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
