we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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