he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
