Having a random hookup so left but love u
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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