be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
