"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
