Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
