I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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