i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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