I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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