I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
