I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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