I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
it's not cheating when I paid for it
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
