I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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