If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
