I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
