when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
