she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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