Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
