Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
