dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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