I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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