Tell her she can't have a vagina
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
