you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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