last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so let's talk penis.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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