Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
